July 26, 2017

A Fierce Practice, Days Like This

July 25, 2017

Your answers to yesterday's fill-in-the-blank. Each of which I love so much...

If you spend your life avoiding ________________________, you don't develop any skills to navigate it.

  • DANCING! OK, however, the real answer is conflict. (From A)
  • If you spend your life never avoiding, you don't develop any skills to navigate it. You never learn how to just let some things lie. (From S)
  • "love" (Maybe I'm playing devils advocate here...) (From S)
  • My word is "failure." For sure. I am becoming an expert failure-navigator, to the point that I can (usually) actually see the beauty in it. (From B)
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House projects & what is...
  • Departing for town zoning meeting.
  • Enacting some serious POWER POSES
  • Practicing that balance between being powerful and in control and being defensive and hackles-up. Who knew future house would allow me to practice so many life skills?
  • Basically getting me through, Days Like This by Van Morrison

    When everyone is up front and they're not playing tricks
    When you don't have no freeloaders out to get their kicks
    When it's nobody's business the way that you want to live
    I just have to remember there'll be days like this

    When no one steps on my dreams there'll be days like this
    When people understand what I mean there'll be days like this
    When you ring out the changes of how everything is
    Well my mama told me there'll be days like this
--------- Hey! --------- I wrote all that stuff above before the Zoning Meeting. Back when I was stress eating blue-cheese-stuffed olives and cookie dough and sandwiches with melted cheese and tonic water. Before I was pulled over for speeding en route to zoning meeting (Just a warning! We'll talk about that later). Before I commandeered 90 minutes at the zoning meeting, as the only real agenda item on the zoning meeting. Before knowing that this whole future-house befuddlement is (I'm 99% confident) resolved and I am now on-paper building a 'duplex' (which is totally arbitrary). Before confirming for the one millionth time that you catch more flies with honey. (I've never understood this phrase...who wants to catch flies anyway?)

I am using the small snippets of energy remaining for today to think about feel how this whole situation has had me knotted up the last 10 days, and why. Learning how to not take it (the conflict? I'm not sure) personally. How to not stress when in limbo. And to reflect on how I manage myself and my body and my time in these limbo times when I am not in control, when I do not get to make the decisions, when my fate is in someone else's hands. Recognizing how, in my inability to absolutely control the situation or the outcome, my coping mechanism is to plan and plan and plan and research and prepare and over prepare and OVER-PREPARE. It's like my security blanket. I can't sit and twiddle my thumbs because I am sure there is something I can do to prepare. I just can't seem to find the rational limit to preparing. Because, what if I get to the thing and I am not prepared enough, or I haven't thought through every angle. So, maybe I don't think of my manic preparing as my security blanket, but my insurance plan.

I gotta go, I have some thinking to do. Or maybe just some sleeping.
 
Sing it Loud
Hugs,
vanessa
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From the archives, so they don't get lonely...
March 30, 2017
Oh, axioms.
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