Image: 2020 Dumpster Fire sticker
Dear family, friends, fellow travelers,
As I send this out, we only have two more work days until Hanna and I begin a seventeen-day (!!) end-of-year holiday break and gosh. are. we. ready. If I had been live-Tweeting my decision-making / activity-doing capacity since Election Day it would read like a litany of this on endless repeat:
Me: I need to / would like to do X.
My body: Nah.
My brain: lol no.
My emotions: Don't care.
Not that the rest cure has ever been a magic bullet, but seventeen days without a single Zoom meeting or work email, without having to navigate the logistics of getting to either workplace in the midst of a pandemic, book review to write, or deadline to blow past and then apologize abjectly for at least seems like a start. I'm planning on turning the alarm clock off, doing a lot of knitting, sewing, leisure reading, fic writing, mulled wine and cocoa drinking, and naps. Cat naps. Human naps. Couch naps. Bed naps. All the naps.
Image: Christopher, asleep with one eye open and paws outstretched, on a throne of blankets.
Image: Christopher, asleep with one eye open and paws outstretched, on a throne of blankets.
May your own holiday season be as safe, socially distanced, and restorative as possible. I think we're all going to need it. The winter ahead just looks really, really bleak and hard. And I write that with an awareness that Hanna and I are relatively safe and stable right now. We continue to have safe housing and steady work. Neither of us has experienced COVID symptoms and all of our required tests have come back negative. But this post-election (slash Neverending Election?) interregnum period -- during which the Republican party has deprived Americans of any meaningful pandemic relief while simultaneously attempting to destroy our democracy -- have just kind of broken my ability to imagine beyond this moment. I have faith my imagination will return, and that in the meantime other smart and energetic people will do the work of hope, but I've had to acknowledge I'm tapped out and need a break.
Image: A glass of red wine next to an in-progress knited French press cozy being tested on a French press.
Image: A glass of red wine next to an in-progress knited French press cozy being tested on a French press.
I don't know, right now, how we come back. How we come back, politically, from a point where one of the two major political parties -- supported not only by powerful elected leadership but by a significant percentage of its voters -- has just quit all pretense of interest in democracy, in the rule of law, or in governing in a way that meets the most basic needs of our people. I'm discouraged by what seems like lack of recognition from the Democratic leadership that GOP leaders are not interested in accepting any collectively agreed-upon rules, engaging in fair play, or doing/caring anything other than consolidating power. Their actions in the wake of Trump's electoral loss should be enough to disqualify them from participating in government because they are openly rejecting the will of the people, and refusing to steward our collective resources in a way that addresses our most basic needs.
I'm exhausted beyond words that anyone thinks "bipartisanship" under Mitch McConnell's leadership has any meaning in this moment beyond allowing the GOP to continue to dictate the terms of the possible. Fingers crossed and resources on the ground for Georgia.
Image: A metal and bead Christmas tree ornament depicting two sleeping cats on our Christmas tree (a small LED birch) sitting before a bookcase.
So in the short term, I'm trying to focus on our end-of-year ritual of quiet hiberation time with the cats. I'm looking forward to hosting the 6th Annual Twelvetide Drabbles Challenge, the fourteen-day fanfic and fanart fundraiser that I've coordinated since 2015. Having a daily wriiting practice helps structure our holiday season and is a categorical shift away from work and work-adjacent writing like reference emails and book reviews. I have some nonfiction in my "to read" queue for the end of the year alongside the queer romance but nothing that I plan to or have to assess in a formal way. This past Saturday, I reached week the fortieth (!!) in my romance e-book giveaway and it's been delightful to seed the world with so many copies of beloved stories this year; I look forward to continuing my project to sow the fields with queer joy deep into the new year.
Image: Striped scarf in stockinette stitch using one ball of white and the other of varigated purple/yellow from Ravenswood Fibre Co. I'm calling this my Suffragette Scarf and it will likely be up for auction in early 2021.
I'm also knitting two scarves right now and have promised two hats, a scarf, and a dog sweater to friends for which I have beautiful yarn arriving from various indie sellers -- one of our pleasures during the shut down has been supporting small and local businesses with the money we're saving during the student loan forebearance period, and I will mourn the loss of that flexibility when/if that period comes to an end in the new year. For now, I'm excited about yarn currently on its way from Mace of Skeins, Songbird Yarn & Fibres, Unicorn Yarn Co., and our old standby Frabjous Fibres & Wonderland Yarns. I also have my eye on Witch Candy Yarn and Knitted Wit. In addition to gifts I'm preparing a few things for auction a second #Auction4AWEfund event that is tentatively scheduled for around Valentine's Day -- watch the AWE Fund Twitter feed for details, and in the meantime get crafting if you're inclined to contribute something for auction.
During the break I also plan to take time to think through what I may need to say "no" to in the year ahead. An inauguration, and an effective coronavirus vaccine, are (thankfully) on the horizon ... but I am still aware of the psychological toll of our 2020 collective trauma on things like my attention span and ability to focus, and the flat-affect markers of situational depression. Again:
Me: Gosh, I need to X.
Also me: *repeatedly fails to do X*
Also also me: *repeatedly fails to care about not having done X.*
So I think 2021 will be a year of intentionally putting a few things on pause, or less frequently, so I can write fewer emails of abject apology to my review editors and colleagues and stop feeling guilty about the emails from friends piling up for months in my non-work Inbox.
And, oh yeah, I have a book manuscript to get back to.
But that's for 2021.
Image: Fog in the Arnold Arboretum, Boston.
May you find rest and renewal in these last few weeks of 2020.
Stay safe, be angry, do justice, find joy,
Anna
P.S. You should definitely try this cranberry curd recipe. Happy holidays.
I'm exhausted beyond words that anyone thinks "bipartisanship" under Mitch McConnell's leadership has any meaning in this moment beyond allowing the GOP to continue to dictate the terms of the possible. Fingers crossed and resources on the ground for Georgia.
Image: A metal and bead Christmas tree ornament depicting two sleeping cats on our Christmas tree (a small LED birch) sitting before a bookcase.
So in the short term, I'm trying to focus on our end-of-year ritual of quiet hiberation time with the cats. I'm looking forward to hosting the 6th Annual Twelvetide Drabbles Challenge, the fourteen-day fanfic and fanart fundraiser that I've coordinated since 2015. Having a daily wriiting practice helps structure our holiday season and is a categorical shift away from work and work-adjacent writing like reference emails and book reviews. I have some nonfiction in my "to read" queue for the end of the year alongside the queer romance but nothing that I plan to or have to assess in a formal way. This past Saturday, I reached week the fortieth (!!) in my romance e-book giveaway and it's been delightful to seed the world with so many copies of beloved stories this year; I look forward to continuing my project to sow the fields with queer joy deep into the new year.
Image: Striped scarf in stockinette stitch using one ball of white and the other of varigated purple/yellow from Ravenswood Fibre Co. I'm calling this my Suffragette Scarf and it will likely be up for auction in early 2021.
I'm also knitting two scarves right now and have promised two hats, a scarf, and a dog sweater to friends for which I have beautiful yarn arriving from various indie sellers -- one of our pleasures during the shut down has been supporting small and local businesses with the money we're saving during the student loan forebearance period, and I will mourn the loss of that flexibility when/if that period comes to an end in the new year. For now, I'm excited about yarn currently on its way from Mace of Skeins, Songbird Yarn & Fibres, Unicorn Yarn Co., and our old standby Frabjous Fibres & Wonderland Yarns. I also have my eye on Witch Candy Yarn and Knitted Wit. In addition to gifts I'm preparing a few things for auction a second #Auction4AWEfund event that is tentatively scheduled for around Valentine's Day -- watch the AWE Fund Twitter feed for details, and in the meantime get crafting if you're inclined to contribute something for auction.
During the break I also plan to take time to think through what I may need to say "no" to in the year ahead. An inauguration, and an effective coronavirus vaccine, are (thankfully) on the horizon ... but I am still aware of the psychological toll of our 2020 collective trauma on things like my attention span and ability to focus, and the flat-affect markers of situational depression. Again:
Me: Gosh, I need to X.
Also me: *repeatedly fails to do X*
Also also me: *repeatedly fails to care about not having done X.*
So I think 2021 will be a year of intentionally putting a few things on pause, or less frequently, so I can write fewer emails of abject apology to my review editors and colleagues and stop feeling guilty about the emails from friends piling up for months in my non-work Inbox.
And, oh yeah, I have a book manuscript to get back to.
But that's for 2021.
Image: Fog in the Arnold Arboretum, Boston.
May you find rest and renewal in these last few weeks of 2020.
Stay safe, be angry, do justice, find joy,
Anna
P.S. You should definitely try this cranberry curd recipe. Happy holidays.